


The Light at the End of a Tunnel

by DoreyG



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Family, Found Family, Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Survival, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-15 21:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13621884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: "I hated him," he says."No you didn't," she corrects him, a small smile playing around her lips as she lifts her glass to take another gulp of wine, "Alexander Hamilton was impossible to hate, and you know that as well as I do."





	The Light at the End of a Tunnel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [atheilen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/atheilen/gifts).



> I think everybody probably knew this before me, but in Real Life Burr was actually Maria's lawyer and helped her to divorce Reynolds. He also helped to pay for her daughter's, Susan Reynolds, education. I've fudged the timeline a little here, but all of those things happened before this fic.
> 
> Props to atheilen, whose wonderful prompts both clued me into those facts and inspired me to write this in the first place. I hope you enjoy it!

"I hated him," he says.

"No you didn't," she corrects him, a small smile playing around her lips as she lifts her glass to take another gulp of wine, "Alexander Hamilton was impossible to hate, and you know that as well as I do."

He glares up her, until he realizes that she's not going to stop smiling. Sighs, and lifts his own glass to his lips for a brief sip, "tell that to Jefferson."

"Like Jefferson would get his head out of his own ass for long enough to actually see me," Maria says dismissively, finishes off her wine with a casual toss of her head, "and if you want to know my theory, I don't think that Jefferson hated him either."

"He spent most of his political career trying to destroy the man," he says flatly, still not finishing off his glass despite extreme temptation.

"Which shows that he was obsessed with Hamilton, driven by Hamilton, envious of Hamilton in a deep and burning way," Maria says, quite matter of fact. He thinks he sees sympathy flashing briefly in her eyes, but then she smirks again and he can only conclude that it was a trick of the light, "all of which can lead to hatred, but don't necessarily have to."

He stares at her levelly. Wonders if he should just give up the pretence, and put the glass down. He's had trouble consuming anything since the duel, everything he puts in his mouth seems to turn to ash.

"Hamilton..." Maria says thoughtfully, and then smiles a softer and more genuine smile, " _Alexander_ was complicated. Everybody should've hated him, even I looked at him a few times and thought that I should despise him from the very gut, but instead he just had this way of making everything come alive. He looked at you, and you suddenly felt like you were _better_ than you ever thought you could be."

He keeps staring into his glass, silent and miserable. He doesn't intend to say anything, doesn't intend to encourage this current spate of ridiculousness on Maria's part in any way, but... "He looked at you, and you felt special. Like you could grow wings and fly, or actually live up to his ridiculous expectations."

"It was amazing," Maria says quietly, almost fondly.

"It was _dangerous_ ," he snaps, and slams his glass down on the nearest table before he breaks it and creates yet another thing that he has to clean up, "and that's why I did hate him. Because he was dangerous, and had ridiculous expectations, and made you feel like you could fly, and looked at you like you were special, and made you want to be _better_ , and- _And_ -"

"Aaron," Maria says, suddenly at his side, and grabs his shaking shoulder. Drags him into her arms, and holds him tightly there, " _Aaron_."

"...I don't know yet, how I'm supposed to survive him," he says, burying his face in her hair despite himself, "I don't know yet, how I'm supposed to live in a world where I'm the one who shot a bullet through his heart and so he's never going to look at me ever again."

"I don't think any of us know how we're going to do that, yet," Maria says sympathetically, and steps back only when he's stopped shaking. Looks at him with critical eyes for a long moment, and then summons up a small smile, "imagine how his poor wife must feel."

"Oh, god." He winces, but finds himself barely biting back inappropriate laughter anyway, "can we not?"

"I don't know, if the shock of it stops you from burying yourself in denial..." Maria smirks at him to show that she's joking, takes up his discarded glass and swallows all the wine in that too, "you didn't hate him, Aaron."

"...No," he says quietly, "maybe not."

"And one day you're going to accept that," Maria says, staring at him stubbornly, "and one day, maybe in the distant future but still _one day_ , we're all going to turn around and look at each other and realize that we have survived it. That we have survived him, Alexander Hamilton himself."

He sniffs a little, knowing that Maria won't judge him for it. Studies her for a long moment, before forcing a small smile of his own, " _we'll_ be looking at each other in the distant future?"

"Honey, you helped me to escape Reynolds. I'm _never_ letting you go," Maria says frankly, and lets out a honking laugh. Her actual laugh, loud and brash and slightly overwhelming, instead of the polite one she puts on when out in society, "you alright?"

"No," he says, entirely honestly, "but maybe one day I will be. And I guess that's good enough, for now."

"That's my boy," Maria says, giving him a fond glance, "hey, d'you want to stay over tonight?"

"I..." He glances at the midnight streets outside, winces a little as he realizes that he's lost track of time yet again. He's not sure if that's the aftermath of Alexander or Maria, both of them have- had the habit of ripping him away from his orderly ways with an unholy amount of glee, "I might have to. Do you think Susan will mind?"

"You paid for the girl’s education! It’s not like she has the moral high ground to turn on us for our sins, or anything," Maria snorts, her eyes going briefly fond at the name of her daughter, "besides, she likes you. We both do."

"Don't tell me that I'm impossible to hate too," he teases, the smile growing less and less forced upon his lips by the minute.

"That's a lie too big for even me to tell with a straight face," Maria says, but with a joking smile on her lips, and reaches out to take his hand - laces their fingers safely together, and holds on tight, "but I like you, and that'll just have to be enough for now."


End file.
